stuck in traffic
by switchboxroxrox
Summary: Axel's stuck... Stuck in traffic, not knowing what to do. Roxas is marrying Namine, and he can't seem to do anything. AkuRoku. NamiRoku. Oneshot with many epilogues. M for last chapter.
1. Chapter 1

_**Disclaimer: **I don't own Kingdom Hearts or the characters, sadly. I just write fanfics about em. _

_So yeah, another fanfic. I know I should be writing new chapters for my other fanfics, but the idea for this came to me, so I decided to go for it._

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* * *

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**s t u c k- - **in - -_t r a f f I c_

The groom sat there, anxiously gripping his pant leg. His blonde hair was gelled, his tie was on straight, his shoes were tied… Everything seemed ready. Except for maybe his mind.

"Rox, you okay? You ready for this?" the brunet best man asked softly, gripping the groom's white suited shoulder.

"O-of course, I've been waiting for this moment for forever… It's just…" he trailed off, biting his lip as he looked down at his feet.

"What?"

"I'm just so hung up… Why didn't Axel want to be my best man?" Roxas turned his blue eyes up to gaze into his brother's equally blue eyes. "I mean, I love having you as a best man, Sora, but Axel… He seemed so—I don't know…"

"He said he couldn't make it, right?" Sora mused, now beginning to gently massage his twin's shoulders.

"Yeah, but who exactly plans something five months in advance? I asked him the instant I was engaged… I didn't even have the _date_, and he was all, 'I dunno, I'll have to check my schedule when you get the date.' I mean seriously… It's like he's avoiding me. What's so important that he can't reschedule to attend his _best friend's wedding_?" Roxas stressed the last part, leaning back and placing his forearm across his eyes.

"Look, I'm sure he has a reason… Maybe he had another wedding to go to! Or…Knowing Axel, it's probably so he can surprise you with something stupid halfway through the service!" Sora brightly responded, smiling goofily.

"Augh… That's getting me more stressed now… I don't want anything to ruin today for Namine," Roxas moaned, gripping his head. Sora rolled his eyes and sighed.

"Roxas, you're too much of a worry-wart! Calm down, go with the flow! You love Namine, right? You want to marry her, right? So today should be happy!" Sora finished, flashing another big grin.

"I—Yeah I guess… I…I just wish Axel could be here to tell me it's all right. That I made the right decision. I mean, the instant I told him I was proposing, he just gave me this distant look, followed by some fake-ass smile, saying 'Whatever floats your boat'. I mean, what's he trying to tell me?" Roxas buried his face in his hands once again.

"Eh? Are you sure about that? Axel thinks Namine's a great girl… Fake-ass smile?" Sora questioned, placing a gentle finger to his lips. Roxas sighed, looking up to Sora again.

"No, it was a real smile… I just keep looking back on it, keep having dreams about it, and each time it seems more and more fake," Roxas brought his hand up to rest against his temple.

"You're just stressing out. And who knows, maybe Axel's just not ready to let go yet. Maybe he's sad that he has to go chick hunting all by himself now," Sora smiled, laughing as he said it.

"I hope you're right."

* * *

The redhead bit his lip, glancing at his watch.

_I can still make it… If I wanted… _

He gripped at his pant leg. He was sweaty; tuxedos weren't exactly beachwear.

_Do I really want to stop Roxas from marrying Namine? He _loves_ her. I'm just being selfish…_

He scratched the back of his head, looking at his watch hastily. If he was going to go, he would have to leave now.

_I love Roxas, but he loves Namine. I know he'll be happy this way. But… But what if? _

Axel's eyes flung open, his thoughts racing.

_I have to go. _

He grabbed his keys, tossing the door open as he tried to readjust his tie. He swiftly jumped over his car door into his red convertible, snapping on the seatbelt. As soon as he was situated, he floored it. There was no time to waste.

As he got onto the freeway, his heart sank. Traffic.

_Shit shit shit shit! This is going to add who knows how much longer to my travel time!_

As he sat in the traffic, honking his horn in futile, his heart began to race. He was sure now.

He _had _to stop that wedding.

He looked at his watch again.

_Shit._

"Roxas, the service is beginning," Sora called, Roxas gripping his pants one more time before standing.

"I'm ready."

_Shit._

Normal wedding. Normal practices. Normal relatives crying. Normal relatives falling asleep.

_SHIT._

"Namine, do you take Roxas Strife to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

"I do," she answered sweetly, looking straight into Roxas' deep blue eyes. He smiled back gently.

_Shit…Shit…Shit…_

"And Roxas, do you take Namine Lockhart to be your lawfully wedded wife?"

"I…I…"

_Roxas, please… PLEASE. Give me a chance. Don't do it._

"I do."

_Why am I so indecisive? If I had left earlier, if I had known earlier… I just hope I'm still in time…_

He was off the freeway, speeding toward that quite little church.

"Does anyone have any reason these two should not be wed?"

_I do, I do… I have a reason. I love that groom, I love him. _

As much as he recited it in his head, it was never heard.

"Speak now or forever hold your peace."

_Don't do it, DON'T DO IT. Roxas, please!_

He ripped the keys out of the ignition, leaping from his car, running toward those double doors.

"I now pronounce you man and wife. You may now kiss the bride."

Roxas grinned, Namine replying with a tender smile. Roxas pulled her in, kissing her gently. She smiled into the kiss. He did too, kissing her again, this time leaning her back.

The doors flung open.

Roxas and Namine broke apart, both of them turning to the door. All the heads in the room followed their gaze, also looking at the intruder.

The redhead stood there, panting, green eyes widening. An invisible tear sliding over his permanent tears tattooed to his face.

"A-axel?" Roxas whispered softly, eyes widening. Namine clutched her husband softly, looking over at her bright headed friend curiously.

"I…I… Congratulations, Roxas, Namine," he muttered, head turning down, tears more freely escaping his emerald eyes. "Don't stop for me, continue with your ceremony!" he quickly added, head popping up, any previous tears having vanished, empty smile plastered on his face.

He was too late.

The blonde approached his best friend during the reception.

"Axel, why didn't you come earlier?" Roxas asked, looking up at his taller best friend.

"I…I was stuck in traffic."


	2. epilogue::two years later

_So yeah, originally, stuck in traffic was a one-shot fic... But I got a request from **QJD1381 **to make a sequel or something with an angsty Axel. So I tried it, after I got some inspiration. If you liked the story just how it was, feel free to ignore this. If you liked the story, then read this and hated it, please just ignore this. xD Thanks again to all of you who liked this story. _

_Also, it's pretty amusing that the epilogue is longer than the actual story..._

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---- **e p I l o g u e**//_twoyearslater_ ----

Axel was shaking. His every last nerve was screaming… In annoyance, in hurt, in just plain, utter rage. He glared angrily at the man at the other side of the room.

"I think you should leave Demyx. If… If you know what's good for you," he hissed through his teeth, body still shaking.

"I have no regrets, you whore," the other man smirked, as he slammed the door behind him, stomping off and out of Axel's life.

Axel's entire body relaxed once the other presence was gone, his body curling up until he was shaking once again, this time from the sobs escaping his shriveled throat. Nothing was going the way he thought it would. When had this downward spiral started? Was it when he met Demyx? No, it was way before that. Marluxia? No… Farther…

The phone rang, Axel's head springing up, startled. He sighed, wondering if he should even bother. The ringing continued. When it had gotten to it's eleventh ring, the redhead sighed, getting from his miserable slouch and moping over to the phone. He picked up the receiver jerkily, slowly bringing it up to his ear.

"The hell do you want?" he snarled into the phone. A soft voice responded. A voice he hadn't heard in, god, how long had it been? A voice he wasn't expecting.

"I…I—Um, Hey, Axel?"

Axel froze, eyes shooting open.

"R—Roxas?" he breathed into the receiver, clutching at the phone cord.

"Yeah… Long time no see, huh?" Roxas sighed and giggled at the same time. "I miss you, Ax. We haven't talked… Since, well… Since my wedding," Roxas got quieter.

"I guess we haven't. I've been pretty busy," Axel rubbed the back of his head,

"Same."

_Awkward silence…_

"Um, so, did you get my letter?" Roxas asked, abruptly breaking the silence that lingered between the two.

"Oh, uh, no, I haven't really been checking my mail," Axel laughed. He stopped checking the mail regularly when his life started going to hell… Two years ago. "I usually just check it like once a month… Um, I'll go look now," Axel said awkwardly, now making his way over to an overflowing bin next to his door filled with various envelopes of all different sizes and hues.

"Roxas Strife… Roxas Strife," the blonde could hear the redhead's mumbles just barely over the rustling of papers. "A-ha! Bingo!" Axel exclaimed, gingerly taking hold of the envelope, just staring at it. It was sent about a week ago.

"Open it, you dunce," Roxas mumbled.

"I'm getting there, hold your horses," Axel responded, cocking a brow as he carefully opened the small white envelope. A neat craft like card emerged. Looked like something Namine would make. Axel's eyes scanned over the paper, a strange feeling bubbling through his chest.

"A… a baby shower? Shit, Roxas, you got Namine pregnant?" Axel muttered, more to himself, but Roxas heard, cocking a brow on the other end of the line.

"Well you don't sound happy… Namine always wanted kids though," Roxas explained.

"Oh, what? Oh, sorry, I was just… Never mind. Congrats, kiddo!" Axel managed to squeeze out, fake enthusiasm dripping through those few words.

"Thanks… So you gonna come?" Roxas pondered, a sense of hopefulness laced in his voice.

Axel stared at the paper. Baby shower. Axel missed the wedding. And look at his life now. Maybe he could somehow… set things straight with Roxas, and then maybe his life could go back to normal.

He had better decide before rush hour…

"Of course I will. You two are probably my two favorite people, so a mini version of the two of you is definitely something worth celebrating," Axel smiled, clutching the phone cord tighter.

"See you then Axel. You don't know what this means to me," Roxas sighed, smiling.

Roxas sat on the couch. So many of Namine's female friends had arrived already. Of course. Women loved these types of things. All complementing her, all assuring her just how precious her little boy (yes, it was going to be a boy) would be.

Axel pulled up the driveway, shifting into park. He sighed, resting his head against the steering wheel. Well, here he was. Two years after the biggest regret of his life. He glanced inside the window of the house before him, saw Namine peck her husband on the cheek, the man smiling back at the her.

Roxas was happy.

Shouldn't that have been enough?

Axel sighed deeply. He didn't get stuck in traffic. But his thoughts were still racing. There was still something still weighing down on his heart. He slowly opened his eyes, blinking slowly a few times before climbing out of his car. He reluctantly, hand drawing back a few times, rang the doorbell.

A very short time after he rang the bell, the door flung open, the blonde he had been dreading to see for two years standing right in front of him.

"A…Axel," Roxas muttered, eyes widening.

"Not quite what you expected?" Axel said, spreading his arms out. His eyes were sunken in, his hair pulled back into a ponytail, bits sticking out near the front. "Sorry, life hasn't been treating me all to well," Axel sighed, placing his hands on his hips.

"I—I'm sorry, really," Roxas mumbled, eyes turning downward. "I should've been there for you, you're my best friend…"

"Nah, Roxas, I never _asked_ for help. You had no idea," Axel smiled, hollow.

"But… Why not?" Roxas pleaded.

"Hey, look… Maybe we shouldn't have this discussion out here. Care to move inside?" Axel said, casually. He came here for one reason.

He wouldn't be stuck in a road rage any longer.

Roxas nodded, motioning for Axel to follow. And Axel followed.

Roxas led Axel to what looked like a guest bedroom, shrugging, telling Axel to enter. Axel did so, pulling up a chair that was next to the door and sitting down on it. Roxas slowly closed the door, plopping on the bed and looking at Axel. Silence followed.

"Axel—"

"Roxas—"

The two voices broke the silence at the same time.

"No, you go first," Axel mumbled, rubbing at the red spikes erupting from his ponytail.

"Uh, right," Roxas muttered, pulling on his pant legs a bit. He inhaled deeply, letting a long sigh follow. "I've been so nervous about this. I've… I've wanted to say something to you since the wedding, but we never saw each other, talked to each other. It was like there was a sudden gap."

Roxas paused; Axel staring more intently at the golden locks crowning his friend's head. Roxas' gaze was locked on his twiddling thumbs. His motions stopped abruptly, his sapphire orbs looking up to look Axel straight in the eye.

"I… I thought you might have… found out," Roxas barely whispered, blue eyes giving off a vulnerable shine. Axel's green eyes became slits.

"Find out… what, exactly?" Axel breathed, heart pace quickening. Roxas sighed, eyes trailing back down to his thumbs.

"To be honest, I'm kind of glad you missed my wedding. That you didn't come until after the vows. Until I was already married," Roxas was shaking a bit, Axel's brows furrowing.

"What are you talking about, Roxas?" Axel's voice was a bit louder, sounding loud and harsh compared to the two hushed voices filling the space before. It seemed to ring in the tense air, another prolonged silence following. Namine and her friends could be heard giggling in the main room.

"I… I wasn't sure what I was doing that day. If I was right in my decisions," Roxas was clearly shaking now, fists tightening on his knees. "Axel, I," Roxas' voice was strangled.

"I loved you…"

Axel's heart froze.

"When you burst in after the vows, just seeing your face, my heart almost stopped. This feeling of regret washed over me, but then I looked at Namine again… And gosh, I realized I loved her too—"

Roxas' voice disappeared as Axel lunged. Before he could realize what was happening, Roxas was pressed against the soft surface of the bed, Axel's lean figure hovering over his own smaller frame.

"Roxas… Why didn't you tell me?" Axel forced out, tears coming to his eyes.

"How was I supposed to tell my best friend that I loved him? How was I supposed to tell Namine that I wasn't going to marry her because I loved another man?" Roxas cried desperately, Axel's tears falling onto the blonde's face now, rolling down his soft cheeks.

"Why did you let it go that far?" Axel asked, shaking.

"Because, I loved her too!" Roxas exclaimed, voice hushed once again.

Axel stared at the boy underneath him, the face he'd admired for god knows how long, the face he'd dreamt about, the face he had matched with regret for the past two years of hell. Tears were now freely flowing down his face, down his teardrop tattoos, splattering onto the face of his dreams and nightmares.

Before he could stop himself, the redhead found himself lowering, face lowering until he was breathing Roxas' breathe, his lips grazing those lips he had longed to touch for so long.

And suddenly, that small amount of contact was broken, Axel instead feeling a shove against his face. He looked down at the face below him once again, to see the blonde's own tears starting to run down and mix with the redhead's own fallen tears.

"No… Axel, don't," Roxas breathed, eyes closing, tears trickling down his face.

"But… But why? Why can't we just see? See what could have been? Why can't we live in the past, for just a moment? You don't have to tell Namine, you never have to talk to me again, if you don't want to… Please, Roxas!" Axel begged, gripping the younger's slender shoulders, shaking them gently.

"Axel… I'm _happy_ now. I don't want to go back to the past. I realized that I loved Namine as much, if not more than you. I'm _happy _now," Roxas whispered, tears ceasing to flow.

Axel shook above him. No response.

"Axel, I said I was happy you were late, because I know that if you had come to the wedding before the vows, I know for a fact now that I would have called it off and gone with you. I thank that traffic that you found yourself struggling in, because now I have Namine, now I'm going to have a family, and I couldn't be happier," a small, sorrowful smile spread across Roxas' face, a joyful glow returning to his azure eyes.

He _would _have stopped. Damn that traffic. Damn his indecisive traffic.

Axel's eyes looked over Roxas, taking in the smile now finding it's place among Roxas' features.

"You're happy… But what about _me_?" Axel sobbed, tears falling once again onto Roxas' soft skin.

"Axel… There's someone out there for you, just… just give up on me," Roxas stated, smile disappearing.

"Don't tell me that! Do you know what hell I've been through these past two years without you? Do you know what abuse, what neglect, what disrespect, what hell I've been through, with Demyx, with Marluxia, with everyone I tried to replace you with? Do you want to see my scars?" Axel desperately howled, voice shaking and rising with each word.

He gave Roxas one last shove as he lifted himself off of the other, standing up, back facing Roxas.

"I shouldn't have come. Have a nice happy life without me, Roxas," Axel softly whispered.

_I tried forcing myself through this traffic, and yet all I ended up with was a massive traffic accident…_

Axel gave one last glance at the blonde who remained lying on the bed before swiftly exiting the room, softly shutting the door behind him.

Roxas continued to lay there, tears sliding from his eyes.

"Roxas? Roxas!" he heard a gentle voice call.

His eyes sprang open, arm instantly coming up to his face, wiping away any remaining tears. He sat up in the bed to see Namine slowly cracking the door open, peaking in.

"Roxas, we need you out here… How long have you been in here honey? Wasn't Axel here?" she asked, titling her head slightly.

"It's nothing, hun. I'll be out in a second," Roxas said, smile resuming as he looked at his wife. She returned a smile and walked away, Roxas slowly getting up and following. He found most of the guests sitting around, looking at him eagerly.

"Roxas, I told them I'm letting you name our baby boy," Namine said, smile growing larger.

"Me? I get to choose?" Roxas questioned, pointing at himself, a bit surprised. Namine nodded eagerly, eyes glistening.

"Our baby boy will be named…"

Roxas glance out the window, just barely seeing a spot of bright red before it hopped into a convertible, speeding off abruptly.

"Axel."


	3. a bit f u r t h e r::…the older I get

_**Disclaimer: **BIG AXEL'S NOTE AT THE END IS FROM THE SONG **THE OLDER I GET** BY SKILLET. I don't own it or Kingdom Hearts. But that was my inspiration. 8D_

_Augh. I know what you're thinking. STUCK IN TRAFFIC, THE ONE-SHOT HAS ANOTHER SEQUEL EPILOGUE THING?!?! So much for being a one-shot._

_Okay, so about little Axel Jr's AGE. Since I never specified what school he was exiting, you can interpret it anyway you want. But since I dislike super shota, I say it's high school. Do realize that's this makes Axel at least 35 . I know. Creepy. But I still think the relationship is... interesting._

_I really don't like this at all. Really._

_Anyway, I also know I haven't updated my other fics in forever. I even started two new ones. This one I just wrote because I got inspired while walking home from school today, listening to my MP3 player._

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((a bit -- _f u r t h e r_::…the **older **I get))

The red head had no idea how he ended up there. His legs just forged their own path, and he ended up sitting there, under that tree. But despite the randomness of it all, he was relatively peaceful for once, just sitting quietly in the shade of the tree, smoking a cigarette. The peace was nice; he didn't usually get to feel this peaceful. He inhaled deeply, letting the smoke travel deep into his lungs before letting it overflow out o his mouth and nostrils.

He barely even noticed the distant sounding school bell ring. He continued his rest, watching the students trek out of the school gates, heaving their bags and giggling among friends. He closed his eyes, relaxing.

Oh, what he wouldn't give to be back in those days. Carefree. Happy. _Peaceful_. To be back to that time where driving was still _fun_.

"You know that smoking's bad for you, right?"

The voice startled the red head, his eyes flinging open to stare at the owner of the voice.

He had spiky blonde hair. And blue eyes. Crystal blue eyes.

"I know," the man sighed out, more smoke exiting the gaping hole called a mouth.

"So why do you do it?" the blonde questioned.

"The fuck do _you _care?" the red head snarled in response.

"Just wondering…" The blonde haired boy placed his hands behind his back, staring up at the clear blue sky. The sky shared the same hue as his eyes. The red head found himself staring at those eyes. "Are you Axel?"

The red head stared harder at the boy now. "How do you know my name?"

The blonde chuckled lightly. "You're the man in mom's picture! The man she calls Axel."

Axel's heart skipped a beat, the blood draining from his face. "So you're their kid… I should have known, from those eyes," the red head sighed, smashing the butt of his cigarette into the ground.

"My dad doesn't like my mom's picture of the three of you. She'll always put it in a frame, but the next day, it'll be turned around or face down… Do you know why?" the blonde boy muttered, looking down at the older man.

Axel smirked. "I might be able to imagine a couple reasons."

"My mom told me you were his best friend. I don't think he's _mad _at you or anything," the young boy plopped down next to Axel now, looking at the man's tattoos. "He only ever seems… sad."

Axel turned to look at the boy, eyes hollow. A car whizzed by the school, horn blaring.

"Kind of like the way you're looking at me right now," the blonde said softly.

"You look like you're dad," Axel breathed, turning away from the boy, a lone tear rolling down his face. He brought his knees close and hugged them to his chest.

"Is that why you're sad?" the boy questioned.

The red head turned back to the blonde, wiping away the lone tear. "Maybe…"

"How could I make you happy?" the blonde asked innocently.

Axel chuckled. "Why would you want to? I'm… I'm nobody. A failure, a fool, a fucking loner… I lost the love of my life to my one of my good friends and was too much of a coward to do anything about it… I get caught up in traffic way to much, and road rage just never seems to stop."

The blonde just stared back at the red haired man. "I don't know. Something just tells me I should." The blonde muttered in reply, looking down at his twiddling thumbs.

"Okay. You want to make me happy, then don't freak out and don't get me arrested," Axel spat with the edge of a sharpened knife.

Startled, the blonde jerked his head up to look at the red haired man's now flaming green eyes. "Wha—"

Before the blonde could comprehend what had was going on, the red head had shoved his lips harshly against the blonde's and was already pushing his tongue against the boy's lips, pleading, begging for entrance. And the boy granted it.

The kiss was desperate, and Axel knew just how wrong it was. But he couldn't stop himself; he couldn't stop the passion he felt for the mirror image of his past romance; he couldn't stop the fantasies passing through his mind of the kiss he never experienced. He knew he would regret it later, but that didn't stop him still. The traffic wouldn't stop him any longer.

He pulled away abruptly, a single trail of saliva still connecting the two. It disgusted Axel. He turned away abruptly, burying his face in his hands.

The blonde boy simply stared at the man some more, eyes blank, mouth agape.

"I'm sorry. Just go away, kid," Axel snarled, pressing the heels of his hands against his eyes.

The blonde gulped, still staring at the red head, life returning to his previously dead eyes.

"No."

The blonde placed another gentle kiss on the older man's lips. Soft, sweet, short.

It only made Axel miserable.

"Kid, what's your name?" Axel mumbled, tears rolling down his face now.

"Axel. My name is Axel Strife," the blonde breathed, clutching at the red head's shirt hem.

The man's eyes opened wide. He turned his head to look at the boy, who simply returned his gaze with a sad, empty smile. And Axel realized, no matter how many rush hours he may escape, there would always be another waiting for him somewhere later on.

And it tore him apart.

His hand reached out, the younger watching it, only to see it venture into the blonde's bag.

"What are you…?"

"Shhh…" Axel grabbed a piece of paper and a pen, scribbling down a message before hastily folding up the paper and scribing the name 'Roxas' across the front. "Give this to your dad for me, will ya?" Axel whispered, handing over the crumpled paper and pen.

"Should I tell him… What happened?" the blonde Axel questioned, face growing red.

"Do whatever you want… All I'm asking is that you give that to Roxas," Axel mumbled, standing up and walking off.

"Bye, Axel…" the blonde called after the strange man.

The red head gave a small wave, and walked off, away from the traffic.

The blonde walked home clutching that crumpled piece of paper with a gentle but firm grip. When he arrived at his house, he plopped down onto the couch and waited, simply staring out the window, waiting for his father's car to drive up.

"Axel, you alright?" his mother walked in, questioning his quiet behavior.

"I'm fine," he mumbled, tightening his clasp on the paper. "Mom, do you have that photo of you and dad and that Axel guy?"

"Well, yes honey—"

"Can I have it? Please?"

"Um, sure, if you really want it. I don't think your father will let me hang it up anyway…" his mother rambled as she walked up the stairs to go fetch said photo.

The blonde nearly jumped when he saw the car pulling up the driveway. He watched as his father got out and walked up the walkway to the door. He stared at the blonde haired man he so much resembled as he entered through the door. The older blonde cocked a brow.

"Something wrong, Axe?"

"I…uh… Someone told me to give this to you," the younger stuttered, releasing his vice on the crumpled little paper, his dad grabbing the note with caution.

He unraveled it carefully, reading it at first with a suspicious expression plastered on his face, an expression that soon became dumbstruck, a touch of misery gracing the edges. Without a word, he dropped the paper and walked upstairs. Maybe he was trying to escape. Axel thought he saw a tear or two.

The young blonde stooped down and picked up the paper. And it broke his heart.

_The older I get…  
Will I get over it?  
It's been way too long for the times we missed…  
I didn't know then it would hurt like this…_

_What was I waiting for?  
I should've taken less and given you more,  
I should've weathered the storm,  
I need to say so bad,  
What were you waiting for?  
This could have been the best we've ever had._

_But I think, the older I get…  
Maybe I'll get over it.  
It's been way too long for the times we missed…  
I can't believe it still hurts like this…  
__**Hurts like this**__… _

I'm just getting older.  
_**I'm not getting over you.**__ I'm trying to.  
I wish it didn't hurt like this.  
It's been way too long for the times we missed.  
I can't believe it still hurts like this._

Axel never spoke of that one day after school with anyone, but he always kept that photo and that old crumpled piece of paper close to his heart, pulling them out sometime just to stare at the fiery red head who shared his name.


	4. f i n a l e::the end of two decades

_I think this is finally the end. I wrote an alternate ending of sorts, it goes a bit farther, if you want to see it, tell me and I might let you :0 Anyway, thanks to all who enjoyed and reviewed this story. As you can see, I loved the story too, since I wrote so much for the originally one-shot story. Anyway, enjoy:D_

* * *

F I n a l e-----at **the end** of _t w o decades_

He sat in the lone corner of the stands, way up at the top row on the far side, a couple people sitting here and there, no where near as many as the crammed bleachers more towards the stage where relatives stuffed in like a bunch of anchovies just so they could see their child get that piece of paper. The red head smoked a cigarette. He knew he'd probably get asked to stop eventually, but no one was complaining. He wasn't really sure why he even decided to come… It couldn't be healthy, coming to see that boy again. Or his father. It seemed everyone got past the traffic except him. 

"Axel Strife."

The red head's head perked up to look across the field at the blonde boy walking toward the stage. Little whoops could be heard from where the band was sitting. The kid must have been in band. Cute.

A horn blared, Axel turning his head to see an energetic brunette squeezing down the trigger. 

"Sora, _please_, you know I hate those things!" a blonde man seated next to him moaned.

"Aw, Roxasss, c'mon, Axel's _graduating_! You gotta have a blow horn for such an occasion!" the brunette replied pouting. Roxas sighed, placing his face in his palms, his wife gently patting his shoulders.

"Oh, come on, Roxas, we're just happy for Axel… And Sora chooses to express his happiness with an obnoxious horn while you choose to acknowledge it with a nod," Namine giggled, smiling at her husband.

Axel turned away. He should at least _try _to avoid accidents. His gaze returned to the younger blonde, who was now smiling and posing for a quick picture, then walking back towards his seat, grinning at the horn equipped brunette with a wave. 

Axel gave a small smile, continuing to watch the blonde as he sat down. He hadn't talked to the boy since their first interaction, but he had kept his eye on him. He wondered if the blonde ever thought of him. 

When the ceremony finally ended, Axel got up with a grunt, finishing off the cigarette no one told him to throw away and smashing it into the ground. He slowly walked out of the stadium, following the crowds into the school campus. Everywhere he looked he saw happy families with happy faces taking happy pictures of happy graduates. 

He must have looked out of place. 

He stuffed his hands into his coat pockets, hunching up his shoulders as he made his way to the exit of the school grounds. His car was waiting to take him away, and maybe he'd finally get off the road and go home. There can't be traffic if you're not on the road.

"Axel?"

Axel froze as he heard his voice uttered in that voice he remembered all too well. He wanted to start running, but he knew he would regret that later. He slowly turned around to see those crystal blue eyes staring at him.

"Why are you here?" the voice said again, the blonde taking a gulp afterwards.

"I came to see Axel graduate. Is that a bad thing? Sorry if you think I'm a bad influence, but the kid had a good impression on me," Axel said quickly, eyes traveling up. He was nervous. He could feel a sweat building up. 

"Axel, I got that note," Roxas said, eyes giving off a sad glint.

"Great. What'd you think?" Axel sighed, pretending to not care. Really, his insides were squirming, his heart beating loudly in his ear, driving him mad.

"I… I'm sorry. I wish I could make it up to you. Really. You're my best frie—"

"I was your best friend. But look at us now. We've talked once in the past _twenty years_. I barely even know you anymore. And there's no way in hell you still know me," Axel cried, emotions rising to a point he couldn't contain anymore. His eyes were watering up. He hated this. He looked like a pussy. A fagot on Roxas' leash. But he didn't care.

"Axel, stop it. _Please_," Roxas pleaded, stepping closer, placing his hands on Axel's shoulders.

"I won't. My life ended twenty years ago, and it was my fault. So shut the fuck up and leave me the hell alone," Axel whispered, shaking Roxas' hands away.

"Axel, I… At Axel's baby shower, you wanted to see what might have been if you had stopped my wedding… And for the past eighteen years, I've been running through my head what could have happened back then," Roxas began to mumble, eyes now scanning across the floor. "I regret not taking you up on that."

"Why do you do this to me?" This time it was Axel that took a hold of Roxas. "Why do you make me regret everything I've ever done with you?" His dead green eyes came to life, shining emerald into those dying sapphire gems. 

"Because I've only ever regretted everything myself," Roxas breathed, looking down, tears spilling from his eyes. 

"I thought you said you were happy back then," Axel said gently, eyes growing softer. He couldn't help it. He loved that man. 

"I was. I am. I'm just a selfish bastard. I really am," Roxas replied, wiping his eyes.

"Can we try again? Just one last time? And then we can forget about each other once and for all… Okay?" Axel muttered, leaning in closer to Roxas. "If you want to try, meet me at Luxord's bar tomorrow night at ten." 

At that he turned around and left, leaving the blonde behind, not waiting for an answer.

He was afraid the answer would break his heart. 

The air was growing hotter by the second. 

Their lips crashed together, the red head desperately grabbing at the blonde's shirt, tugging it up and over the other's head as they broke apart momentarily to breath. His shirt was already gone. 

The feeling of his skin on the other's felt so good, yet something just wasn't right. But that wouldn't stop him. He was finally getting to that destination he sat through traffic for twenty years to get to.

Roxas was there, and that was all that mattered. 

Even if just for one night.

They were naked now, Axel having taken the liberty of ridding them both of any remaining clothes. It felt like nothing he'd ever felt before. Demyx had never felt like this. Marluxia had never felt like this. No one but Roxas felt like this. 

"Nnh… Axel…"

To hear his name like that made him shudder. He'd wanted to hear that for twenty years. 

"Roxas… I've loved you…"

He looked down at the blonde beneath him. He was glowing. He was beautiful. And tonight, he was Axel's. 

"Axel… I…"

"Please… Please tell me... Tell me it…"

"I…"

Everything was getting slower, a growing pressure building up. 

"Oh god… Roxas…"

_"Aaaaauuugghhhhhh!"_

Axel's eyes burst open, his body sitting up straight in his room. He was sweating, his body coated in a thin layer of moisture. His erection was throbbing. 

Reality struck him, and he couldn't help but cry. Twenty years, and he found himself alone in his room once again. 

He glanced at the clock. 

_12:00 PM._

He glanced out the window to see the sun shining brightly. He hated the weather. 

He sighed, carefully getting up, wincing as the material of his boxers grazed his hard on. 

"Shit," he sighed, moving to the shower, turning on a cold spray. He had no energy to play with himself. He was tired of being alone. 

A siren was buzzing outside.

He sat at the bar, waiting. It was 9:50. Ten more minutes until he would know the conclusion of two decades. 

"Anything to drink, Axe?" the British bartender asked as he wiped a glass clean.

"Just a beer, thanks, Lux," Axel sighed, waving a hand. The Brit nodded, going off and returning with a bottle of beer, sliding it over to Axel. The red head grabbed it and took a long swig. His hands were shaking. 

"Kid, you can't come in here," a gruff voice sounded. 

"I'm not going to drink anything, I just need to see someone! Please!" a younger sounding voice replied, angrily.

Axel's head whipped around. He knew that voice. 

When he saw the blonde curls, he jumped from his seat, leaving his beer abandoned at the bar as he made his way to the entrance. 

"Sorry, kid, your friend shoulda been smarter than meeting up with you at a bar—"

"It's okay, Xaldin, I take care of this kid," Axel said, shoving past the large man and taking a hold of the younger's hand. Xaldin simply watched the two walk off, hoping that Axel wasn't going to do something stupid that would get him arrested. He shrugged it off though. It wouldn't affect him either way.

"The hell are you doing here, kid?" Axel growled at the blonde.

"My dad isn't coming," the blonde replied, coldly.

Axel stopped walking. The two had arrived at a lonely park. Axel let go of the boy's hand. "Did he tell you about this? How desperate I am?"

"No, I heard you guys talking," the blonde replied, looking up at the sky. 

"Why the hell did you come?" Axel growled, looking over at the boy who continued to look at the sky.

"I knew my dad wouldn't come. He doesn't love you the way you love him. He really does love mom," Axel replied, lacing his fingers behind his back. He turned to look into the slowly dying emerald eyes. "He doesn't share my feelings."

Axel had no words. He could feel his jaw dropping a bit as he barely breathed. 

"What…?"

"I've been right in front of you this whole time! Don't think I never saw you after school those days… I know you've been thinking about me! So why didn't you come to me?" the blonde cried, moving his arms around passionately. 

Axel couldn't move, even if he wanted to. "Axel, I'm twenty years older than—"

"_I don't care!_" the blonde cried, hands forming fists. He reached a hand into his pocket, pulling out his wallet, going into the wallet to pull out a crumpled piece of paper and a single photograph.

"I've read this note everyday for the last two years, sometimes just staring at the words knowing your hand was the one that wrote those letters! I wanted those hands to touch me, so bad!" Axel breathed, unfolding the paper and glancing at it before handing it to the red head. The older took a hold of the paper, gently bringing it up to his eyes. His eyes began to water as he saw those words again.

"I've stared at this picture for god knows how long, wishing that I could see you face to face again," Axel was whispering now, looking at the photograph of his father and mother and the man he loved, tears flowing down his face. 

"You left more of an impression on me than you think, Axel," the blonde breathed, head bobbing down, blonde curls falling in his face. 

The red head stood there; jaw hanging open, simply staring at the boy. No words were coming to him, nothing he could say in response to the sudden outburst. They stood in silence. 

"I… I-I can't do this to you," the red head stuttered at last, voice coarse and raspy. The blonde slowly looked up, streaks of tears reflecting off the pale moonlight. "I love your dad too much… I'd only hurt you."

"No! You wouldn't! I don't care if you only think of me as a replacement, because I'll only ever think of you as my one and only dream," Axel sobbed, gripping the photo harder.

"E-even so, you're dad would never allow this! Having his son go off with another man… A man twenty-five years older at tha—"

"Then I'd run away with you! _Please_… I'm not like my dad. Why are you stuck on him? Huh? Why do you have to be like this?" the blonde begged, grabbing a hold of the red head's abnormally slender arms, gently shaking.

"Kid, I've been stuck in this traffic for twenty years now. I don't think there's going to be a chance of me ever escaping," Axel sighed, shoving past the blonde, slowly walking away.

"I'm your police escort… Please, come back… _You're going through so much, but I know that I could be the one to hold you_," the younger whispered, taking a few steps toward Axel, the other continuing to walk.

"_I'm stretching but you're just out of reach!_" Axel called, tears falling. The red head continued to walk. 

"Fine! Leave, but_ you should know I'm ready when you're ready for me!_" Axel yelled after the older man, shoving his fist in the air.

"_And I'm waiting for the right time, for the day I catch your eye, to let you know…_"

The red head stopped. 

"_That I'm yours to hold_."

In a flurry of movement, the blonde found himself wrapped by two unhealthily skinny arms, the smell of smoke filling his nostrils. And it felt right.

Before he could so much as return the embrace, his chin was being pulled up so that he was facing the tattooed face, and before he could protest, those lips once again crashed against his own. It was like he was reliving a dream from the past… That foreign muscle once again begging for entrance, the blonde anxiously taking it in, sucking it gently.

This was his choice.

This was his route, despite the traffic. 

He had waited eighteen years to get onto this road, but he was finally here.

The blonde found himself pushed against a light post, his skin suddenly being exposed to the cold air as a slender hand slipped under his shirt, caressing the sensitive skin that lay there. The blonde gave a small moan, melting into the sensation. His pants were growing tighter.

Before the blonde could help it, the older abruptly pulled away, nuzzling his face against the younger neck. 

"Runaway with me?" the red head breathed next to the blonde's ear.

**"A thousand times over…"**


End file.
